I know it's late but I did my affirmations earlier, now it's about doing them before bed. I got some writing done tonight too.

since Nano is out of the picture, I'm going to make a fandom/original fic writing challenge on dreamwidth. I hope people join and participate. It'll happen every summer. I need to work out the logistics. D: I want to write a victorian era novel so bad since watching Lisa Frankenstein, I'm in love with Cole Sprouse's creature. He was adorable.

Todd from Seeds of Literacy dropped me off a laptop. I'm so happy. I did the social studises ged practice test right away. I passed. I need to study at seeds to do that as well. Try to get 200. D: I hope i can get 200 per test when I do the actual tests.

I'm waiting for the 8 o clock shut up and write so I can write outlines to the fantasy novel idea I have. I need to come up with characters, and a storyline outline. I have like locations and battle system written down, well as fighting classes.

I feel pretty damn good right now.

It’s the earliest visage, a myriad of recalls to my mind

In my tuff was not meat, nor poultry but vegetable and fruit

Along came a dragon and opened my maw to shove unwanted nourishment down the line of my throat,

I begged for fruit and vegetables, I cried for candy and sweets, but I was given nothing but refined sugars and processed ignorance

I asked again and again to spare the womb-parent, I’ll eat whatever you give me but they mean every single word, they would devour anything that would grant them superceded abilities beyond measure

It makes not a sense, nor a sliver, why do you care so much while you wither, you brought this upon yourself you vile wretched thing crawling on it’s belly,

it’s better to beg now before you disappear into the hemisphere, only to be destroyed by holy light

I wait for the day when you no longer whisper ‘Just choose me, child. I bet you live until you’re 93.’

It’s coming soon that I whisper back at your one last hurrah. ‘I live until 104 and only a little more. Now be gone foul demon, in my mind there’s a door. Escape into the night, where you won’t see a face nor hear a whimper anymore.

So, I've got appointments for both dietition and surgeon lecture in feburary. I'm going to be doing bariatric sleeve. It's been a long time coming.

The funny thing is, I wish I felt like a woman. It would be easier to wear dresses, skirts and blouses rather than men's clothes. I wouldn't have to worry about being murdered, or getting beat up by men or women who feel like I'm a freak. I wouldn't have to worruy about being denied transgender/gender affirming healthcare. I'd like to transition here shortly but the way the country is going? I might need to move to California or Washington State.

I live in the Cleveland, Ohio area which is all about trans affirming care but reality is, it could be taken away at any moment. Places like Cali, Washington, Colorado or Oregon and New York City are better suited for living for someone like me. I'm also a Wiccan Witch but Cleveland should be okay for now.

I need to get a job as a psychologist and make a lot of money so I can move west in the next few years. I think that's my best bet.

Watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au_B1OEUBsQ

There's a man crying in the middle of the video because a woman was on the phone talking about how trans people need to be eradicated and destroyed basically. I haven't experienced this kind of hate except in my family to be honest. I haven't been faced with being told in public that I'm a disgrace to humanity. When I was a teenager and I first came out, I spent my time praying to God to make me a biological man. He never answered my prayers, but I'm more comfortable being trans now then I was back then.


I just want to hug all my trans brothers and sisters, and non-binary siblings going through fear and hate in this country at this very moment. I know it gets better.

Now I know what I'll be writing for nanowrimo. A semi-dystopian novel about transpeople and the gay community being beaten back into the dark ages and hiding who they really are once it's outlawed. I plan on making it a bright ending, a positive ending. But I want to write a thriller that scares many of us because it's what a lot of us fear with all that's going on.

My teeth are slowly falling apart. this is the problem with schizoaffective disorder, it eats away at your good habits and sometimes only allows you to have bad habits. I need to start brushing my teeth everyday. I doubt they'll last for much longer, I'm going to end up with falsies in the next five-six years. I'm pretty sure they're already rotting.

I was in tutoring today, I now understand division again. I have an opportunity to do school for my diploma over the next few days. Just waiting it out.